10 Celebrities From The 90’s That We All Love
The Scarlet Numbers 8.9.14
If you weren’t alive in the 90’s don’t talk to me. In fact, even if you were alive in the 90’s please don’t talk to me because I really just don’t feel like talking to strangers on the internet anymore. It was fun in the early days of AOL in chatrooms, but as the internet has morphed and changed throughout the years it has summoned an army of creeps who google “Vagina Pics” like 10 times a day and somehow always seem to stumble across my website along the way. I’m aware this website is all just a slight inconvienance to wankers who somehow got misdirected her with cock or clit in hand. That’s why this blog is short and to the point. If I wanted to sugar coat things I’d work for CNN and pretend like I’ve never uttered the word Fucksnot thirteen times each day before the sun rises.
Anway, where was I, oh yeah. The 90’s were cool, but they were only cool because of the people who made it cool. Unless you’re one of these 10 people, you’re probably just a follower sitting in your mother’s basement with cock or clit in hand searching for the latest pic of my vagina which I secrectly hide in all my old posts once a day just to keep my readers forever intriguied and fascinated with the paradise of which is my vag.
Anyway, I’ll shut up now stop rambling about my vagina…
Top Ten Unforgettable Celebrities From The 90’s
#10. Lisa Loeb
Lisa Loeb holds a special place in the hearts of anyone who listened to music in the 90’s. This Dallas-girl became so much more significant than the actor who “discovered” her or the easily forgettable movie her first single landed on. I can’t remember the names of either, which in reality kinda bites. But whatevs. Lisa Loeb is no one hit wonder.
#9. Pee-Wee Herman
Give this guy a break already world. His first name is Pee and his last name is Wee. Did you really expect him to be appropriate? Paul Reben’s Peewee character is such a staple in American Culture and History that it’s almost impossible to watch Katy Perry’s obnixious new video without thinking of the phrase, “I Know You Are But What Am I?”
Not to be confused with “This is How We Do it”
Pee-wee started on the small screen with his show and then blasted off onto the big screen (in more ways than one) which eventually led him to a career that came crashing down before his own eyes. However, as much as the media tried and tried again to persecute him, he still managed to land a role as The Penguin’s Father in Batman Begins.
“I know I am but what are you?”
This was before Danny Devito down-graded himself from the big screen to the “Always Sunny In Phil-Crappia” small screen. Danny Devito has a certain quality that really just makes you want to put your head down in shame. (And put your head down to maintain eye contact with him.) This actor’s career never fails to continue to get shorty.
Stop. Devito Time.
In contrast, Pee-Wee voiced a character in Nightmare Before Christmas and also did a bunch of cocaine with Johnny Depp in the movie Blow.
Can you get much cooler?
The answer to that is no. Hell no.
“We’ve got a badass over here Willis.”
#8. Arnold Swartzanigger
You gotta love this guy. He was Conan before Conan was late night. He killed the T-1000. Oh yeah, and he was governor of California not to mention Kindergarden Motherfucking Cop. This mexican-maid fucker was made for success. He’s really only been in one bad movie which proved for a fact this man is too hot to play Mr. Freeze.
#7. Robin Williams -
WIthout a doubt Miss Doubtfire is one of the funniest and most memorable movies of the 90’s. But after a while his career began to Flubber off…oh well. We still love you Robin. Even if you’re not allowed to drive the batmobile after midnight.
#6. Polly Shore
His name is Polly, which was probably the best Nirvana song ever. How cooler of a name could you have? Not possible. Well, unless your name is Territorial Pissings, which is unlikely. Anyway, yes his name is Polly and no he doesn’t want a cracker. He wants to crack you up. And he will…until his career suddenly Flubbered…I still haven’t ever seen “Polly Shore is Dead” it just kind of seems like a desperate cry for attention, but maybe I should check it out.
#5. Tim Burton
Edward Scissorhands. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. Do I need to say anymore? This guy made movies with Johnny Depp before he made way too many movies with Johhny Depp. He freaking took all the credit for “Nightmare Before Christmas” without writing, directing, or even doing anything but a dinky “idea” which evolved into a dinky childrens book never to been seen on a single bookshelf.
Here’s my theory about Tim Burton. He’s a genius. So genius in fact that he hired H.R. Giger to design the Batmobile for “Batman Begins” Then everyone was like…whoa….wait a minute we’ve got a badass over here. The awesomeness had to stop. It was too much awesome. After being ganged up on by a bunch of nobodies, Tim Burton bowed down and didn’t direct the 3rd batman movie because his visions were just too freaking dark for children. Which is what we all love about him.
#4. That Guy From Blind Melon
How can you not love this guy? Seriously. Everyone loves him. Whatever his name is, doesn’t even matter. All that matters is that he’s awesome.
#3. Mike Judge -
If there’s one celebrity from the 90’s who never forgot to put a cover sheet on his TPS reports, it’s Mike Judge. He showed an entire generation of young viewer the Idiocracy of young adult teenagers through two unforgettable guys who ever girl would bang if they were real, not cartoons. Some of the things you may see in Mike Judges collection of work in the 90’s might cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, or possibly deported. To put it another way….King of the Hill sucked.
“Stop. Devito Time.”
#2. That Girl in the Bee Suit from Blind Melon’s Song “No Rain”
Who couldn’t love her? She’s awesome. There’s only one person who is more awesome. Only one.
The King of Awesome. Period.