10 Celebrities From The 90’s That We All Love

10 Celebrities From The 90’s That We All Love


The Scarlet Numbers 8.9.14

If you weren’t alive in the 90’s don’t talk to me. In fact, even if you were alive in the 90’s please don’t talk to me because I really just don’t feel like talking to strangers on the internet anymore.  It was fun in the early days of AOL in chatrooms, but as the internet has morphed and changed throughout the years it has summoned an army of creeps who google “Vagina Pics” like 10 times a day and somehow always seem to stumble across my website along the way. I’m aware this website is all just a slight inconvienance to wankers who somehow got misdirected her with cock or clit in hand. That’s why this blog is short and to the point. If I wanted to sugar coat things I’d work for CNN and pretend like I’ve never uttered the word Fucksnot thirteen times each day before the sun rises.

Anway, where was I, oh yeah. The 90’s were cool, but they were only cool because of the people who made it cool. Unless you’re one of these 10 people, you’re probably just a follower sitting in your mother’s basement with cock or clit in hand searching for the latest pic of my vagina which I secrectly hide in all my old posts once a day just to keep my readers forever intriguied and fascinated with the paradise of which is my vag.

Anyway, I’ll shut up now stop rambling about my vagina…

Top Ten Unforgettable Celebrities From The 90’s


#10. Lisa Loeb 

Lisa Loeb holds a special place in the hearts of anyone who listened to music in the 90’s. This Dallas-girl became so much more significant than the actor who “discovered” her or the easily forgettable movie her first single landed on.  I can’t remember the names of either, which in reality kinda bites. But whatevs. Lisa Loeb is no one hit wonder.



#9. Pee-Wee Herman

Give this guy a break already world. His first name is Pee and his last name is Wee. Did you really expect him to be appropriate? Paul Reben’s Peewee character is such a staple in American Culture and History that it’s almost impossible to watch Katy Perry’s obnixious new video without thinking of the phrase, “I Know You Are But What Am I?”


Not to be confused with “This is How We Do it”

Pee-wee started on the small screen with his show and then blasted off onto the big screen (in more ways than one) which eventually led him to a career that came crashing down before his own eyes. However, as much as the media tried and tried again to persecute him, he still managed to land a role as The Penguin’s Father in Batman Begins.


“I know I am but what are you?” 

This was before Danny Devito down-graded himself from the big screen to the “Always Sunny In Phil-Crappia” small screen. Danny Devito has a certain quality that really just makes you want to put your head down in shame. (And put your head down to maintain eye contact with him.) This actor’s career never fails to continue to get shorty.


Stop. Devito Time.

In contrast, Pee-Wee voiced a character in Nightmare Before Christmas and also did a bunch of cocaine with Johnny Depp in the movie Blow.

Can you get much cooler?

The answer to that is no. Hell no.


“We’ve got a badass over here Willis.”

#8. Arnold Swartzanigger

You gotta love this guy. He was Conan before Conan was late night. He killed the T-1000. Oh yeah, and he was governor of California not to mention Kindergarden Motherfucking Cop. This mexican-maid fucker was made for success. He’s really only been in one bad movie which proved for a fact this man is too hot to play Mr. Freeze.

#7. Robin Williams –


WIthout a doubt Miss Doubtfire is one of the funniest and most memorable movies of the 90’s. But after a while his career began to Flubber off…oh well. We still love you Robin. Even if you’re not allowed to drive the batmobile after midnight.


#6. Polly Shore

His name is Polly, which was probably the best Nirvana song ever. How cooler of a name could you have?  Not possible. Well, unless your name is Territorial Pissings, which is unlikely. Anyway, yes his name is Polly and no he doesn’t want a cracker. He wants to crack you up. And he will…until his career suddenly Flubbered…I still haven’t ever seen “Polly Shore is Dead” it just kind of seems like a desperate cry for attention, but maybe I should check it out.


#5. Tim Burton

Edward Scissorhands. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. Do I need to say anymore? This guy made movies with Johnny Depp before he made way too many movies with Johhny Depp. He freaking took all the credit for “Nightmare Before Christmas” without writing, directing, or even doing anything but a dinky “idea” which evolved into a dinky childrens book never to been seen on a single bookshelf.


Here’s my theory about Tim Burton.  He’s a genius. So genius in fact that he hired H.R. Giger to design the Batmobile for “Batman Begins” Then everyone was like…whoa….wait a minute we’ve got a badass over here. The awesomeness had to stop. It was too much awesome. After being ganged up on by a bunch of nobodies, Tim Burton bowed down and didn’t direct the 3rd batman movie because his visions were just too freaking dark for children. Which is what we all love about him.


#4. That Guy From Blind Melon

How can you not love this guy? Seriously. Everyone loves him. Whatever his name is, doesn’t even matter. All that matters is that he’s awesome.

#3. Mike Judge –

If there’s one celebrity from the 90’s who never forgot to put a cover sheet on his TPS reports, it’s Mike Judge. He showed an entire generation of young viewer the Idiocracy of young adult teenagers through two unforgettable guys who ever girl would bang if they were real, not cartoons. Some of the things you may see in Mike Judges collection of work in the 90’s might cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, or possibly deported. To put it another way….King of the Hill sucked.


“Stop. Devito Time.” 

#2. That Girl in the Bee Suit from Blind Melon’s Song “No Rain” 

Who couldn’t love her? She’s awesome. There’s only one person who is more awesome. Only one.


#1.  Cobain.

The King of Awesome. Period.

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Guess Who’s Back


8.7.14 – The Scarlet Numbers 

Well, well, well. I’m out of jail.  So what’s new with the world? Is rape funny yet? Have we finally got out of iraq…what’s this I hear? Obama is doing whaaa….ATTACKING ISIS? Who in the Flying Flipper is ISIS and why do we care?  What ever happened to privacy? It’s becoming more and more clear that terrorist organizations just can’t operate in their own backyards anymore without Wilsom peaking over the Fence. 


“First Russia, now ISIS…America it seems like you’re in need of a little home improvement!” 

Americans can’t just mind their own damn business anymore. Privacy is a thing of the past. First it was Facebook prying into our panty drawers, then it was the NSA getting a big fifty-second sniff, and now…well….now it’s every fucking talking head on every fucking channel policing the world worse than TEAM AMERICA…but this isn’t comedy, it’s the sad reality of what America has become…you couldn’t throw an American on a desert island without some corportate interest prying it’s way into your life to see how long your fucking beard or bush between your legs has grown. 




Thank GOD for Edward Snowden, Wikileaks, and anything else that throws a pie in the face of these privacy invaders. 


“”Fuck you NSA. Fuck you Google. Fuck you Spokeo!” 

Where’s H.R. GIger when we need him to create an alien that will fucking rape you and burst out of the chest of peoplel who are out of this world. You’re out of this world America! Thinking that you can attack ISIS without reprucussions? They’re taking back what’s rightfully theirs…the HOLY LAND, otherwise known as NOT FUCKING AMERICA. 


“Get off your High Donkey America!!!!” 

Our president became president in the first place because he told us we would get OUT of Iraq, not balls deep in IRAQ without a fucking condom.Sigh. 

I’ve beem watching CNN all day today trying to catch up on current events and I just don’t know what to think about America anymore.  These news organizations aren’t reporting the news. They’re shoving microphones into children’s faces and making our poor children famous overnight because they overuse the word apparently.  

I’m too angry to type anymore. 

And no, I’m not going to go “take a dump…” GIRLS DON”T POOP. 

Forever Hating the Oh So Fragile Fabric of Society….

-Scarlet Johnson a.k.a Nemo Paradise 

I’m back bitches.




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Let’s take a look at the numbers 8.8.14


The Scarlet Numbers 8.8.14

Who’s still reading this blog? Apparently someone. Why? I don’t know. I was in jail for almost an entire year and hadn’t posted a single blog from August 17th 2013-August 7th 2014. However, it seems like you idiots are still reading this piece of crap blog. The only reason I started this atrocity was because I was lonely and was hoping to make some new friends. But to my dismay all of my “new friends” ended up hating me when they learned that I thought rape is actually kinda funny, in fact, fuck it…I’ll be honest. I think it’s hilarious.


I said it.

Anyway, let’s take a look at the numbers and see how many people are  lurking into my past incoherent ramblings.

Screen shot 2014-08-07 at 11.45.41 PM

Screen shot 2014-08-07 at 11.55.48 PM Screen shot 2014-08-07 at 11.56.09 PM

Screen shot 2014-08-07 at 11.56.22 PM

And there we have it folks….nothing has changed. No one in South America or the middle east gives a flying fuck about this blog, probably because the government is restricting them from looking at it. The next time I’m on the run and I’m hiding somewhere in South America I’m going to have to check and see if I can access this website. I bet $100 that http://www.thescarletnumbers.com “doesn’t exist” in these places.

Am I becoming paranoid? Yeah probably. Who cares.

Gotta go shave mah nutsack,


P.S. – Dear NSA, No. And no I’m not a fucking extremist. I’ll fucking shove my “extremist” cunt up your fucking butthole.


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To all my fans…



The Scarlet Numbers Aug. 28th 2013

I thought I’d take a minute today to make a blog.  But then I was like…ugh.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  That is all.

I gonna go take a dump now.


PS- I lost a chess game today and I’m pissed.

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Scarlet’s First World Probems

Scarlet's First World Probems

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