Hey World. It’s me Scarlet.
First I’d like to apologize for posting those naked pictures of myself earlier today. It was wrong of me and I wasn’t thinking. I’ve taken a step back and realized exactly what I can do it make it up to you all….
If I happen to think of any…I’ll defnately keep you posted.
Anyway, If you are reading this blog and your name is Heath Ledger, the chances are that you have an audience who universally loves you. However, it’s very much more likely that you’ve probably tried to promote your work at least once or twice and made a complete Jack Nicholson out of yourself.
“Hey Eckhardt, think about the future!”
Nicholson couldn’t have said it any better, you need to think about the future Jack. The things you do today are going to entirely impact your entire future – and particluar things will keep your reputation from Shining. So if you give a Shmidt about your repuation, I suggest you pay attention.
First of all….we all make mistakes. If we didn’t all make Gay Cowboy movies every once in a while, we wouldn’t be human. And there’s a good reason why we all don’t use Time Machines to jumpstart our careers…
“Stay in the 80′s kid, your future’s gonna be a little shaky.”
You have to make the right choices if you want to succeed in this world. You need to find a straight path. You can’t just go from being a body builder to a time traveling hero and then expect to be a Kindergarden Teacher and a poilice offier simultaneously. It just doesn’t work like that unless you want your career to Jingle all the Way to End Days. You can’t just play “Mr. Freeze” with your career and expect that one day people will forget and elect you for Governor.
“That’s never gonna happen. Not in a million years.”
Here’s a list of: 10 Things You Should Never Do When Trying to Promote Your Blog. Who knows, maybe if you follow these rules carefully, you can be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Never do Summersaults while making a blog.
Although it may be tempting, you should never try to type and so Summersaults at the same time. “Blogging and Summersaulting” is dangerous and can lead to horrible blogs that aren’t even funny.
NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
BLOG ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS
“Leave Zimmy Alone…”
People want to read about important issues. No one cares if some blogger copied and pasted something from CNN hoping to get attention from a story that’s in reality – none of your damn buisness.
Don’t expect to be a successful blogger if you’re just going to be a Wolf Blitzer wannabe. Your chances of success are slim unless you have a cool-looking beard that looks competely identical to his. If you beard isn’t absolutely 100% COMPLETELY IDENTICAL….just give it a rest and leave Zimmy alone.
NEVER BLOG ABOUT FOOD
Anyone and everyone can write a 10,000 word essay about how much they love “Brain Cupcakes.” Everyone knows they are delcious. And everyone knows where to get them. Stop blogging about them!
NEVER BLOG WHILE DRIVING
Although you may think your “10 Voices of Doubt” Blog is hilarious, but the remaining family members of that picnic of people you just ran over probably won’t be giggling much when they’re reading it. If you make the poor decsion to start a blog, try not to do it behind the wheel. Unless you’re at a red light. That’s okay.
NEVER BLOG ABOUT
“THE LITTLE MERMAID”
The only reaon I made this rule is because my Little Mermaid jokes are limited, and if everyone starts doing it it’s just going to make my life harder and harder.
Don’t Post Pictures of Yourself Naked For Attention.
You’ll just end up deleting the blog and feeling embarrassed.
Never Blog About Blogging
Reguardless of how successful you think you are…no one wants to hear about how you went about doing it. No one gives a crap about “what subjects you should write about” or “good places to promote your blog and get new readers.” The internet is good for only two things:
1. Porn: (Which belongs on porn sites, not blogs.
2. Pay attention…
Never post pictures of Jesus holding a subway sandwhich.
Unless you have extremly poor taste. (In humor, not sandwhiches.)
Thanks for reading everyone! Share this with someone if you thought it was funny!