The Scarlet Numbers 4.28.12
Hey World. It’s me Scarlet.
Tell me what you think about the new layout of my page. Do you like it?
I have some good news, and I have some Bad news….which one do you want to hear first? I suppose I’ll say the good news first, so if you want to read the bad news first, ignore the next sentance:
The GOOD news is, no I’m not pregnant, or leaving word press.
The BAD news is, I might be pregnant and I might be leaving wordpress. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for reading my blog – ESPECIALLY – if you’re one of those people who doesn’t actually read it.
You guys are the best. Seriously.
Girls too. If I could marry you all I would.
Well…if you were rich I mean
I was thinking today about how grateful I was for all of you. And then I thought to myself,
“What can I do to make my wordpress followers like me more?”
And then it hit me. I can make a LONG blog with NO pictures…
And talk about MYSELF the whole time!
So here’s 10 things that I cannot live without….maybe I’ll post a picture or two later if I think this blog needs it:
10 THINGS I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT
#1. AIR: No matter how much I try to avoid breathing in certain situations – I just can’t ever seen to live without breathing air into my lungs. Luckily, I kinda like breathing some air. However, just knowing that I really don’t have a choice kind of bothers me. Sometimes, I just….I dunno…I just wish I didn’t have to consciously thinking about breathing every breath I take and debate to myself whether or not I should take another one. I constantly think about it. The pros and cons of breathing.
#2. My Followers and Subscribers: So everyone, I don’t mean to rub it in your face, but you’re not #1. I’d kinda sorta die if I didn’t breathe. If you’d stop reading – not so much. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re cool. I think most of you are quite the cool.
#3. Tampons- What would I do without these things! Thank goodness of all companies like Tampax are around! What did women do before Tampax? I don’t know and quite frankly, I don’t want to know. That’s a part of history that I really just wan’t want to look up.
I’m so tempted to look it up…..
But I’m not going to do it. If you happen to be reading this, and you want to know – Google it and leave a reply below and let me know. Just please don’t post any pictures.
#4. Coke Zero – I think I probably drink about 10 coke zeros a day – I LOVE COKE ZERO SO MUCH. They are the best.
#5. Cigarettes - It’s a horrible habit, but I smoke about a pack of cigarettes a day. I know. I ‘m bad. But I just can’t help it. When I don’t smoke it FEELS like I can’t breathe. It FEELS like I’m going to die. It’s not a good feeling. I really really need to quit smoking. And I really really also need to plug my laptop in because it’s running out of batteries.
#6. My Macbook Pro – Phew, that was close. Yeah, I’d die without my laptop. My respitory system would trick itself into thinking that I had no oxygen and I’d just suffocate. Especially if I was just minding my own buisness and the lead singer from PANTERA just walked right up and grabbed my laptop right out of my hands and just threw it on the sidewalk for no reason – I would die. I’d probably even call him a jerk.
#7. My iPhone – How did I ever function without my iPhone? This is kind of like #3, except I really really really would not like to see pictures of myself without an iPhone. I would just be an unhappy camper ALL the time, regardless of whether or not I was camping at all.
#8. My Toilet – Wow, I’m starting to feel like a spoiled bitch! I suppose out of (#6, #7, and #8) this one is probably the least important. Yeah I’m grateful for my toilet, but I could always just pee in a bottle and try to sell it to some man who’s obsessed with me in India. Toilets are overrated in my opinion. I can’t imagine living without one, but I’d chose to have my phone and my computer over a toilet any day.
#9. LIght Sockets – What in the freaking world would I do without light sockets!!!! Can you imagine!!!! If there were no light sockets in my walls, I’d probably have to depend on batteries for everything! And that would get expensive! Just think, without light sockets, rechargeable batteries would be useless! I’d personally like to thank whoever invented the light socket, because you’ve help me charge my iphone and macbook like 200 zillion times.
Okay maybe not 200 zillion, maybe only like one zillion.
#10. HORROR movies – I couldn’t like without getting the living crap scared out of me. Everyone loves to scare me because it’s so easy, and I NEVER like being scared, but for some reason I just love horror movies. They always give me nightmares, but I just get stop watching them. Speaking of nightmares, I had a nightmare the other night that I lost all of my followers.
It was horrific.
I quickly logged back on and checked to make sure I hadn’t lost anyone and realized that I lost 2 and 1/2 followers…
One of them was offended with the picture that I posed of Jesus with that big huge subway sandwhich, and the other wasn’t very happy that I mentioned the ouija board in my “best board games of all time blog.” I assured her that I was not a witch but she just ignored me. It kind of made me sad because I really liked her.
But I’m over it.
Out of resentment I posted a picture of the wicked witch of the west on her Facebook page.
But then I erased it because I felt bad.
Then about ten minutes later, I decided to “stick to my guns and post it again” but then realized she had deleted me off Facebook.
Speaking of Facebook, I have a new Facebook account and it would be awesome if you’d check it out. I also have a new email:
New email: Thescarletnumbers@gmail.com
Please contact me if you need ANYTHING. I just want to let everyone know I am here for you and willing to take the time to listen. UNLESS…you want to talk about Brain Cupcakes, in that case you can go screw yourself! (just kidding I won’t get mad if you care to talk about them but I’m NOT giving away my secret recipe so please stop asking.
Who’s gonna be the first to like my new Facebook page?
I have a big day tomorrow. I have 4 assignments due that I should have been working on all week rather than making blogs. The 4 papers are on:
1. Video game addiction
3. Some crappy video game review that I’m not excited on writing one bit.
4. And something else I can remember, all I know is all my papers are going to be as funny as possible.
So yeah…..what else…..I’m trying to make this blog as boring as possible because I read somewhere that boring blogs are actually more successful than funny blogs which I found surprising.
Please let know know if there’s anything in this blog that you think is “funny” so I can edit it out. And I apologize beforehand for avoiding humor, I just feel like it’s affecting the overall views on my site. If it were up to me,
- Trust me
I would just sit around and tell Rambo jokes all day
By the way, I apologize in advance for the lack of boobage today, I’m just not in the mood to show my boobs, in fact I have 4 new rules now that I’m going to follow everytime a guy or girl wants to see them:
1. You must be human.
2. No calling me “bitch” more than once, it’s always funny the first time but after that it just feels degrading.
3. You must have a sincere reason why you would like to see my boobs that is written in GOOD English. I will not respond to “want 2 suck your tits” I expect something sophisticated like,
“May I please take a quick look at your beautiful breasts to enhance my erection.”
You also need to fill out a Boob Request form which can be found somewhere hidden in one of my previous blogs. Boob request forms must be submitted between 2-3pm every day, excluding federal holidays.
and please use “Times New Roman” Font 12 – I’m serious about this…can’t read wingdings so if you’d like to wing your ding while looking at my things please….just try to be professional for at least 30 seconds. Maybe even 45. Oh…and Boob Request forms must be Double Spaced and dated.
4. Oh and if you’ve actually made it reading this far, rules 1-3 don’t apply.
Now I’ve completely lost track of what I was saying. Oh yes please be sure to give me some ideas for these 4 papers I have to write. Especially the 4th one. The less time I spend writing these things the more I can spend my time writing blogs about my boobs however never actually showing them.
If you want me to write – or review anything this week let me know I’m trying to write as much as possible.
The only thing I really do not wish to write about is al gore
Thanks for reading.
If you feel like boring someone to death send them a link to this blog.