How To Make Money Online: The 5 Golden Rules

 

The Scarlet Numbers 5.3.12

A lot of people have been asking me lately how I am able to make money online.  Making money online is easy if you follow 5 simple rules.

Rule #1

The first thing you need is a Google Adsense account.  Now keep in mind you’re only allowed to have ONE Adsense account per lifetime.  If you’re human, that means you only have one chance and if you screw this up say goodbye to making money online. And of course  since we all know since cats have 9 lives, if you’re a cat, you have 9 chances to screw up on Google Adsense.

“Face it, you’re not cute. Like me.”

So if you plan on getting a Google Adsense account and you’re human, don’t get jealous  of all the other cats who are making more money than you.  You’ll never  be able to compete with their cuteness.

There are a few things you need to know about your Adsense account to prevent being banned. Trust me you don’t want to get banned because a cow will appear on your screen holding a sign that looks a little similar to this:

“SUCK MY UDDERS! Do Not Pass Go, Do NOT Collect $200″

For the rest of your life you’ll have nightmares of this cow.  But the cow looks much scarier in your nightmares, trust me my cat knows this from personal experience.

Rule #2

Dont Click On Your Own Ads! 

NEVER click on your own ads, NEVER blog about google unless you’re saying good things.  I suggest blog titles like “10 Reasons Why Google Is Almost Better Than Sex”  rather than a blog titled “My Boobs, My Butt, 10 Reasons Why Google+ is Destined For Failure.”

Rule #3

Be As Boring As Possible

If you want to be a successful blogger with hundreds of thousands of people reading your blogs on a daily basis, you need to write about something that people find  BORING AS HELL.  Remember, the MORE BORING YOUR WEBSITE IS THE MORE LIKELY YOUR VIEWERS WILL NAVIGATE AWAY BY CLICKING YOURS ADS.  The problem with most blogs is they’re so entertaining.  They’re filled with interesting and insightful things that keep the reader engaged and entertained, and this is why most bloggers fail.  Don’t fall into the trap of writing about things that people like to read.  Yeah, you’ll get a good following, but they’ll like your message so much you’ll distract them from the main reason you lured them there in the first place:
TO CLICK ON YOUR ADS!!!

Rule #4

Acquire UNIQUE visitors: Tell Your Regular Followers to stop reading

“Sup, nigga! Where’s the snacks?”

Also, if you are using Google Adsense, you need to have UNIQUE traffic.  This means there need to be DIFFERENT visitors visiting your site, not just the same people.  So STOP being nice to all your followers immediately because they are pretty much getting you closer and closer each day from getting BANNED from Google Adsense.

Getting rid of your following sometimes is hard.  I suggest doing something extremely corny, or maybe even faking your death.  Try saying something along the lines of, “I was attacked by a rhino and I’m going to be dying in the next couple of days.”

Rule #5

Try Plan B

 The sad truth is, that more than likely no one likes your blog.  No one cares about your Rambo jokes, no one likes the childish memes you make, and people HATE the fact that you never blog about anything serious.

You can continue writing every day and try to generate some type of following, but the chances are, people will lose interest.

That’s why you’re probably better off making internet porn.  

If you hate blogs and the blogging community like me, you might want to take another approach to making money online such as SELLING YOUR NAKED BODY FOR COLD HARD CASH.  I strongly recommend this if you like to spend your free time crying in the shower.

Although being a naked internet porn star won’t necessarily make you the big bucks like a successful blogger, at least you’ll know that you’re stealing away attention for a lot of men’s wives.  Trust me, this will help you sleep better than NyQuil.

If you want to know more about Making Money Online, visit http://www.thescarletnumbers.com.  This site is FILLED with lots of ideas to make your website ABSOLUTELY BORING AS HELL which will help get the people who love your blog “oh so much” clicking on the ads you want them to click “oh so much”

Thanks for reading everyone.  Now click on some ads and then share this link with someone else, THEN NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN!

How to Make Money Online: The 5 Golden Rules

 http://thescarletnumbers.com/2012/05/03/how-to-make-mo…5-golden-rules/

-Scarlet

5.3.12

P.S. –  Just kidding – I love you guys.

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Rants and Raves, Top 5 and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to How To Make Money Online: The 5 Golden Rules

  1. Ian Moone says:

    Ok I have a new activity not to do while reading your blog, Smoking, having dropped my ciggy (lit) in my lap – too much laughing

  2. rainey says:

    I love your tag “free porn”…wonder how much traffic that got ya? (And how pissed off some people were?) LOL!! :D

  3. haha nice and funny, keep it up.

  4. xtech19 says:

    Xtech19 like boobs

  5. I’m a big fan of any post with kittens. The funny writing made it even better.

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