The Scarlet Numbers 5.18.12

12 Dangerous & Deadly Villains That You Shouldn’t Invite To Dinner

 #1. Skelator

Unless you want this has-been complaining about how his steak is “not medium rare enough” try your best to refrain from inviting him to dinner.  He basically just doesn’t know how to order his steak.  He doesn’t understand the difference between “rare” and “medium rare” and he’ll make a big deal about it and piss off your waiter.

#2. Chucky

This little bitch will complain because the restaurant will refuse to let him have a booster seat.  He needs to grow up. Seriously.  Don’t expect to go on a date with this guy without some serious Child’s Play.  So immature…

#3. Ursula 

This living piece of lard is the reason why Chinese restaurants put MSG in their food when you visit an all you can eat buffet.  Get a hint Ursula.  All you can eat doesn’t mean eat the whole fucking restaurant.

#4. Shredder

Okay Shredder we get it…you can shred things.  It was really only funny the first time you cut your prime rib with your fist.  Now you should use your silverware like a grown-up. Jeez.

#5. The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man 

Trying to eat a meal with this guy is a pain in the Aykroyd.

#6. Bane 

Trust me you don’t want to be around this guy at a sushi restaurant when he gets stuck with the bill.  Let’s just say there won’t be any leftovers. Because you’re table is now on the other side of the restaurant.

#7. Glass Joe

This guy will finally get the sushi bill and then chicken out and run out of the restaurant after saying “He has to use the bathroom.”  But don’t worry, your waiter will knock him out in one punch once in the parking lot and he’ll eventually be forced to pay up.  What a little bitch!

#8. The Brain 

All this dimit will want to eat is cheese.  He’ll take you to the Cheesecake Factory and complain there isn’t enough cheese on the menu.  At least you’ll get a decent meal however you’ll be forced to hear him talk about “Taking Over The World” all night.

#9. Danny Devito 

You would think after eating so much raw fish this guy would at least be good at eating pussy…but no…..his nose just gets in the way.  Don’t go out to dinner with this flipper-fingered freak.  All he talks about is some show called “Always Sunny in Something” which sucks.  Everyone knows movie stars are cooler than TV stars. Duh.

#10. Mojo-Jojo

This guy is actually a gentleman.  He’ll take you out for a banana-split and charm you all night.  However, in the morning you’ll wake up with him next to you and you’ll think to yourself…”What the fuck…I just slept with a monkey!”

#11. Beebop and Rocksteady 

These two have absolutely no class.  All they ever want to eat is Burger King.  Rocksteady actually is pretty good in bed, but Beebop is just a pig! Gross!

#12. Goro

I have mixed feelings about Goro. The only place he ever wants to go is Dave and Busters so he can play air hockey afterwards and he cheats!  However, Goro is a rockstar in bed.  Let’s just say he’s good with his hands.  He can finger you, and grab both and your tits, and choke you, and still have one more hand to gently brush over your face before he bangs you to death.  Trust me, Goro will definitely show you there’s been something missing in the bedroom.  He delivers.  (Just make sure that Shao Kong doesn’t find out.)

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-Scarlet

5.18.12