Tom Hanks Death Postponed

Funeral services for the undisputed queen of the Seventies disco boom
Tom Hanks have been postponed according to close sources.

After briefly checking Tom Hanks Wikipedia page and his heartbeat he’s apparently “still alive and breathing.” This astonished many, especially his wife who was unaware he had been alive since “Cast Away.”

The funeral has been postponed for the time being however it’s been paid for in full and Miss Hanks has told undisclosed sources she’s tired of tapping her fucking foot.