The Scarlet Numbers 6.16.12
Hello world. If you’re a lesbian 65% of the time like me, you’ve probably tried online dating at least once or twice….or maybe even three times. Okay, fuck it I admit it…twenty times…that’s my final answer.
There are 2 types of lesbians who are generally into online dating:
- Dumb people
- And Dumb People
Now, don’t get my wrong….Dumb lesbians are cool sometimes, but other times they can just be a waste of time. People NEVER are what they look like in their pictures.
If her picture looks like this…
“Hey baby, wanna Scissor?”
She probably looks like this…
“Sup! Wanna scissor?”
Trying to avoid this front crawling up to your front door is nearly impossible…so just prepare yourself because it’s probably going to happen….
Here are the 15 Types of Women You’ll Meet Online
#1. THE FUNNY FACE LEZZIE
Trust me…she’s totally hot 90% of the time…but when she’s having an orgasm she’ll make this face. And it will hit a nerve. You’ll never call her back. Ever.
#2. THE TOTAL DORK
It’s fun playing Mario Kart with her…until she wants YOU to be the cart.
#3.The Lesbo That Thinks She’s a Badass
Because She Smoked Marijuana Once
Trust me. You’ll huff, and you’ll puff, but you won’t want to blow her house down.
#4. Lizzie The Drunk Elbow Licking Lezzie
”Oh my gawd I am soo wasted…I wonder if I can lick my own elbow!”
If you’re into competitions that involve projectile vomiting…this is your girl. This might initially sound a little fun, but after the second or third time you’ll just be thinking to yourself….wtf?
#5. THE FISH GIRL
She looks like a fish, she smells like a fish….
she’ll make you throw away all of your canned tuna…
All of it.
#6. The Chick with A Dick
(Who has really bad breath.)
This Lesbian actually has facial hair. And her breath smells like something that came out of your ass a couple hours ago. You won’t want to give this girl a breath mint, you’ll want to give her a wet wipe.
#7. The Clit Lickin Lesbo Who Lied About Her Age
This bitch said she was seventeen years old….wtf!!!
#8. The Sexy librarian
FINALLY you’ve found a girl who actually looks kind of cute. But there’s something suspcious about her. You initiate a conversation about “what kind of books she likes to read” And she mentions a bunch of books from 1932….
“I like old books!”
For some reason you trust her. You take a deep breath and think to yourself…”Thank GOD….I’ve finally met an intellectual…”
and then she shows up at your door…
“Hey Baby….wanna read some BOOKS!”
#9. The “Nice” Girl
This woman just snaps at you the moment you meet for no reason and then tries to rob you at gunpoint. She LOOKED like a nice blonde. But no….she’s watched the movie “Mean Girls” waaaaaay to many times.
#10. Your Biggest Regret
She didn’t have a beard in her online pics. Or hair on her chest. But you are just waaay too trusting. She shows up at your door and you think the maintenance man is finally there to fix your air conditioner…
And then this lipstick wearing beast will try to step through your door
Online lesbian dating is an extremely dangerous thing. Please…please….take heed to this blog and stick to the bars…..please share this on G+ and warn everyone else.
Thanks for reading.
Now you know….and knowing….is half the butthole.
PS- Edit….BATTLE….I meant BATTLE.