The Scarlet Numbers 6.22.12

Promoting my blog is easy, effortless, and literally so easy a zombie could do it. However, my incompetent audience doesn’t seem to understand how to share something on Twitter therefore I spend each night crying and suffering from the extremely painful aches of an unrecognized genius.

So, I’ve decided to teach you today how to promote my blog. Hopefully, you will read this and before clicking away to some porn site, you’ll follow these three simple steps:

Step #1. Have friends.

If you don’t have friends then there’s no use posting my blog because no one’s reading it. I’m not going to mention any names, but let’s just say the Jenn is mightier than the sword.

Step #2: Don’t promote my crappy blogs. Promote the good ones.

Now you might be thinking, “Why don’t you just stop making crappy blogs?” That’s a good question and I have a good answer…

No.

Step #3. Make craigslist adds promising money to people who actively promote this blog. Promise everyone a dollar each if they repost this. When they return to you for payment, offer them ten dollars to post ten more of my blogs. Once this is done…discontinue all contact with this person.

After a few days, finally contact this person and explain that they’ll be paid eleven dollars in cash if they share this blog with 100 people…keep doing this until the blog has millions of views.