The Scarlet Numbers 7.2.12
If you happen to be unfortune enough to be friends with Bobby Garica I seriously feel sorry for you. Last night I actually got a chance to meet Bobby Garcia in real life and let me tell you….he’s nothing like the furry cookie-loving monster that he portrays in his picture on Google Plus. This list origionally had 2,543,236 reasons to hate Bobby, but I thought I’d be nice and cut it down to only 3 just to save him some embarassement. So let’s get started…
#1. He looks way too much like Kirk Hammett from Metallica.
Okay seriously. How are you supposed to hang out with Bobby without feeling totally star-struck. And then once you realize he’s not actually Kirk Hammett – naturally you just feel let down and the guitar that he just signed for you becomes competely useless.
#2. He doesn’t actually have a hook for a hand
Bobby is one of those people who tries to look tough on the internet. He brags about having a hook for a hand and how shiny it is…and naturally you just think to yourself, “Wow. This guy is a total badass.” Personally, I’ve always wanted to meet someone with a hook for a hand. When I was a little girl I always dreamed of being fingered by Captain Hook….but yesterday after much speculation about that status of Bobby’s wrists, to everyone’s disappointment we all realized that Bobby has been lying to us all along after posting this picture on Google Plus….
Where’s the hook?!?!?
I can’t even begin to explain how disappointed I was when I saw this picture and realized that all of this time Bobby has been fibbing about his hook for a hand. All the countless times I’ve played poker with him I just thought he was a total badass because I just thought to myself, “OMG, he’s playing online poker with a HOOK!” But much to my (and everyone else’s) disappointment yesterday Bobby finally posted his incredibly sexy wrists which DIDN’T HAVE HOOKS! WTF BOBBY!
#3. He Probably Doesn’t Even Look Like Cookie Monster
Booby had lied, and lied, and lied to us all so much I don’t even know if I believe that he even has blue fur anymore. Who knows…maybe he doesn’t even actually like to eat cookies. I don’t even know what to believe anymore. Maybe Bobby actually IS Kirk Hammet and he’s just pretending to be a normal guy WHO DOESN’T HAVE A HOOK FOR A HAND. I don’t even know what to think anymore. All I know is I feel like my entire friendship has been completely ripped to shreds over this hook-thing.
I probably won’t even have any most sex-dreams about his wrists anymore!
Bobby doesn’t know this yet but I actually hacked into his account and found this picture in his private photos…
Notice he doesn’t have a hook for a hand.
Anyway, if you don’t hate Booby yet, I don’t even know what to say. I’ve given you plenty of reasons why you should NEVER TALK TO HIM EVER AGAIN BECAUSE HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY HAVE A HOOK.
I’m so angry I could take a dump.
In fact, that’s what I”m going to do right now.
PS- (Just kidding Bobby, you’re awesome.)