The Scarlet Numbers 8.20.12

Hello world. We all love sex. But is the sex you’re having “too legit to quit?”

There haven’t been many things in the news media lately that I’ve found very interesting. But today I read a CNN article titled, “Missouri Republican claims ‘legitimate rape’ rarely results in pregnancy.” Basically this guy, Todd Akin, is so gung-ho about anti-abortion he’s willing to deny women who are raped the right to an abortion.

Now I’m no advocate for killing babies…however, I think in some circumstances such a rape, sawing the head off a newborn is perfectly acceptable.

Akin is the type of guy who think it’s good to have a society full of broken homes filled with unwanted children (who surely won’t grow up to be felons.)

He essentially has the same view as Sarah Palin. The only difference is he has a penis in between his legs. And no tits. And I’m here today to say, he’s wrong about rape. Dead wrong.

They’re really no such thing as rape that “isn’t legit” rape is ALWAYS real, however, it most cases women don’t report rape because:

• Sometimes it’s fun.
• It gives us power.
• It gives us attention.
• Sometimes it feels good towards the end.

How can we define rape?

What exactly is rape?

We all need to know the difference between “real” rape and “legitimate” rape, and “fake rape” verses “surprise sex.” There’s a HUGE difference between these things.

Do women lie about rape?

Woman lie about rape, ALL OF THE TIME. It’s just what women do. It’s the perfect way to gain instant POWER and get laid at the same time.

So what is legitimate rape?

How does one legitimize rape? Is all rape legitimate or is rape only legit is some cases? Just what IS Akin implying here? Does he think sometimes when women get raped the rape isn’t “legit.”

Is it rape if she “secretly” likes it?

As most people who don’t know what the **** they’re talking about, Akin didn’t give an explanation for what he considered “real rape” so I’ve decided today to make of list of things that make rape “real” so we can differentiate “real” rape from “fake” rape.

1. If the woman has an orgasm, it’s not rape.

This rule is simple: There’s no possible way a woman could have an orgasm if she weren’t actually enjoying herself. So guys, remember when you’re raping a girl you need to make sure that she comes, don’t just get off and then roll over on your back otherwise you’ll be in trouble. You need to make sure that you f*** the woman you are raping good and hard and make sure that she has an orgasm. Once she has an orgasm the sex constitues as “hot, roug, and unannounced sex rather than “rape.

2. If you’re paying the woman to have sex with you, it’s not rape.

Here’s another simple rule: If she agrees to have sex with you for money, it’s not rape. But here’s the tricky part, if you don’t pay her she’ll probably constitue is as a rape in most circumstances. So the next time you’re banging a hooker, remember to PAY HER or else you’ll probably be getting your ass kicked by her pimp sometime in the near future. HOWEVER…if you DON’T pay your hooker, BUT you give her an orgasm, it’s not rape, because as rule #1 says, if the woman has an orgasm, it’s not rape.

3. If a woman touches her tits while getting raped, it’s not rape.

If you’re raping a woman and she suddenly starts touching her breasts and pinching her own nipples, it’s not rape, because by touching her breasts and pinching her nipples she’s implying that she’s horny and “in the mood.”

4. It’s not rape if she’s dead.

If you’re raping a woman and you’re not sure whether you’re performing well enough for the rape to be immediately forgiven after you’re finished, consider killing the woman who you are raping. In 100% of cases where women were murdered after they were raped the woman didn’t go to the police afterwards to file charges.

Just keep that in mind.

Okay, I”m going to go to sleep. It’s 4 AM…

Scarlet

zzzzz