Category Archives: News

Supreme Court Eager To Demolish Obamacare…

Posted on June 23, 2012 by

The Scarelet Numbers 6.23.12 Are Democrats Ready For Their Dreams To Be Destroyed? Republicans nationwide have their popcorn ready.  Next week’s demolition of Obamacare (translation for liberals: The Affordable Healthcare Act) will be proof that Democracy is a stupid fucking idea. … Continue reading →

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R.I.P. Larry King

Posted on June 17, 2012 by

Larry King dead at 47… The Scarlet Numbers 6.17.12 Los Angeles (TSN) – Larry King, whose beating by Los Angeles police in 1991 was caught on camera and sparked riots after the acquittal of the four officers involved, was found dead … Continue reading →

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Scarlet’s Letter To The Editor 6.14.12

Posted on June 14, 2012 by

Corrections: At 12:01 a day after Christmas Scarlet said “Merry Christmas” to all her fans. It was no longer Christmas.

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Former ‘Family Fued’ host Richard Dawkins dies…

Posted on June 3, 2012 by

R.I.P. Richard Dawkins: ‘Host of Family Fued’ The Scarlet Numbers 6.2.14 Sunday Edition Los Angeles (TSN) – Richard Dawkins, the longtime host of “Family Feud” known for planting kisses of cold-hearted atheism on female contestants, has died, his son said in … Continue reading →

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Mistrial declared in John Edwards Zelda corruption case

Posted on May 31, 2012 by

John Edwards enjoys  victory & promises “lot of Zelda playing” in his immediate future GREENSBORO, N.C. (TSN) 5.21.12 A mistrial has been declared in the campaign fraud trial against Zelda lover and accused ex-presidential candidate John Edwards. Jurors on Thursday acquitted … Continue reading →

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New Medical Marijuana Doesn’t Get You High

Posted on May 31, 2012 by

Prepare to get pissed California. Israeli scientists have cultivated a cannabis plant that doesn’t get people stoned in a development that may help those smoking marijuana for medical purposes, completely fucking useless. The new cannabis looks, smells and even tastes … Continue reading →

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Ron Paul Secures MARS GOP nomination

Posted on May 29, 2012 by

The Scarlet Numbers 5.29.12 TSN) — Ron Paul hit his party’s “magic number” on Tuesday, unofficially clinching his butt-cheeks before slocking his pants. Republicans nationwide finally woke the slock up and smelled the slocking roses before voting and securing Ron … Continue reading →

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Tom Hanks Death Postponed

Posted on May 23, 2012 by

Tom Hanks Death Postponed Funeral services for the undisputed queen of the Seventies disco boom Tom Hanks have been postponed according to close sources. After briefly checking Tom Hanks Wikipedia page and his heartbeat he’s apparently “still alive and breathing.” … Continue reading →

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R.I.P. Tom Hanks

Posted on May 22, 2012 by

Tom Hanks (December 31, 1948 – May 17, 2012) known by the stage name Tom Hanks an American singer-songwriter who gained prominence during the disco era of the late 1970s. He had a mezzo-soprano vocal range, and was a five-time … Continue reading →

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Eclipse Hologram Fools Millions

Posted on May 21, 2012 by

Millions of early risers in Asia were “punked” on Monday as they stared at a hologram of an annular eclipse in the sky. “We got them good.” a spokesperson from SpaceX said laughing, “There are millions of people that actually … Continue reading →

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